


The Moments in Between

by allyasavedtheday



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Napping, POV Alternating, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8961337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyasavedtheday/pseuds/allyasavedtheday
Summary: It could be minutes or hours later when they finally let go of each other, though they don’t move very far.Isak slips his hand into Even’s and presses their foreheads together once again. “Come home with me,” he whispers, a quiet request lost to the space between their mouths.He’s close enough to hear Even swallow before his fingers tighten in Isak’s hold and he murmurs an, “Okay.”*A look at the moments between O Helga Natt and Passe på meg.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [The moments in between](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13242477) by [sunny_witch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunny_witch/pseuds/sunny_witch)



> I know I've written something a little similar to this before but I wrote it before episode 9 aired. Therefore this is a more canon compliant look at Isak and Even dealing with Even's depression. As the summary says, this takes place from the ending scene of episode 9 to the wednesday clip in episode 10
> 
> I've tried to be as respectful and realistic as I possibly could with Even's mental illness and I really hope I did it justice. As you can probably imagine this fic deals quite heavily with the depression Even experiences during that week therefore if you feel this could possibly trigger you in any way please take care of yourself <3
> 
> As always, these characters do not belong to me and are property of Julie Andem.  
> **Edit: this fic has now been translated into Russian, which you can read [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5999563)

It could be minutes or hours later when they finally let go of each other, though they don’t move very far.

Isak slips his hand into Even’s and presses their foreheads together once again. “Come home with me,” he whispers, a quiet request lost to the space between their mouths.

He’s close enough to hear Even swallow before his fingers tighten in Isak’s hold and he murmurs an, “Okay.”

*

They take the tram back to Isak’s place, finding a mostly empty carriage to sit down in. They’re pressed tight together and it only takes a minute before Even’s head drops down onto Isak’s shoulder. Isak feels his heart clench and cranes his neck to the side to kiss the top of Even’s head.

He pulls their joined hands into his own lap and begins gently trailing his fingers over the back of Even’s hand, tracing the veins that stand stark against his pale skin.

Isak’s not sure how much time has passed when Even speaks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and the words sound like they cost him too much to say, like he’s used up all his energy just to push them out. Isak has talked to Magnus enough and done enough research that he has an idea of how drained Even must be feeling right now.

“Hey,” he murmurs, reaching out with his free hand to touch the tip of Even’s chin to get him to lift his head. Even does, with some slight trepidation, and Isak can see the tears shining unshed in his eyes.

It hurts seeing Even like this. It hurts so much and Isak just wants to be home right now so he can wrap him up in a blanket and keep him safe and remind him how much he loves him.

For now, he settles for cupping Even’s face gently and sweeping his thumb over his cheekbone. “We need to talk and we  _will_  talk. Properly this time. But we don’t have to do that right now. Right now you just have to…” He trails off, biting his lip while he thinks of the best thing to say. “Just hold my hand and sit with me. We can figure out the rest in the morning.”

Even’s eyes close in what Isak thinks is relief and he nods, just a little.

Isak waits until Even has slouched down to rest his head against his shoulder again before he continues. “But you have nothing to be sorry for.”

Even doesn’t reply but he squeezes Isak’s hand so tight Isak thinks he might leave bruises.

*

They make their way up to Isak’s flat in silence; Even waits behind him in the corridor while Isak fishes his keys out of his pocket and fumbles with the lock until he gets the door open. The apartment is blessedly silent when they step through.

Noora had said she’d be staying at Eva’s tonight and with it being Friday night, Eskild is definitely out right now. Linn is probably in her room but she’s unlikely to disturb them. Isak closes the door quietly anyway, more for Even’s sake than anything, really – he looks like a strong gust of wind could knock him over right about now.

Even mimics him wordlessly as Isak toes out of his shoes and hangs up his jacket, looking suddenly so much smaller without the bulky coat around him.

“You hungry?” Isak asks quietly, tangling the tips of their fingers together and beginning to lead Even through the hall.

Even shakes his head so Isak tows him straight to his bedroom.

Isak immediately goes to his closet to fish out something comfortable for Even to change into. When he turns around he finds Even standing at the end of his bed, a listless expression on his face as he blinks blearily back at Isak.

Isak swallows down the lump in his throat and moves forward to press a pair of sweatpants – his softest pair – into Even’s hands.

He busies himself for the next couple of minutes with changing out of his own clothes and fixing the bed – he makes sure to switch the pillows around because Even always sleeps on the right and he looks like he could use Isak’s good pillow right now.

By the time he’s finished Even has changed – he’s removed his hat and his hair lies limp and flat against the top of his head and without the extra layer of his hoodie he looks incredibly vulnerable.

Isak is aching to pull him close.

He decides to take the lead and climb into his side of the bed, hoping Even will follow. He does, circling around to his own side after a moment and hesitantly pulling the covers back so he can crawl in.

Isak turns off the light once he’s settled and he hears Even let out a sigh of relief. He rolls onto his side, pushing himself closer to the centre of the bed and closer to Even. Even, who’s mostly hidden by the blanket and whose eyes remain downcast even in the dark.

Isak wants to reach out to him but he doesn’t feel right doing it without saying anything. “Can I hold you?” he asks when he feels brave enough.

Even’s breath hitches and he ducks his head even more but he nods. Isak doesn’t need any more than that; he shuffles closer and stretches his arm out. His fingers trail up Even’s arm until they circle his shoulder and he flattens his palm against Even’s back to pull him in. Even melts against him, his own arms snaking out to reach for Isak, hands fisted tightly in Isak’s t-shirt.

His face tucks into the space beneath Isak’s chin and Isak feels his shaky exhale against his throat. He keeps his palm moving over Even’s back in soothing circles and doesn’t say anything about the wetness he feels on his neck.

“Just sleep,” he mumbles after a moment, nosing at Even’s hairline and wrapping the blanket tighter around them. “It’s okay, just sleep.”

It takes a while but eventually Even’s breathing slows and he becomes heavy against Isak. Isak expects to spend half the night awake – he’d been running on adrenaline since he left the church and he’d felt the crash as soon as he pulled Even into his arms. He’s just so overwhelmed – with fear, with relief, with worry, with love.

His head is a mess right now but one thing is clear.

He loves Even.

He loves Even so much he can hardly breathe with the weight of how much he feels for him. And he’s going to do everything he can to be there for him. No matter what it is, no matter what the cost, he’s going to be here.

He expects to spend the night awake. But with Even lying safe and whole beside him and the flat completely still, he finds his thoughts quieting and his eyes drooping shut.

*

Even wakes up at some point in the middle of the night.

They’ve drifted apart a little in their sleep but Isak is still close, still leaning towards him.

Even needs to leave and he knows it. He promised himself he’d stay away the first time and he failed. And then his mental illness fucked everything up just like he knew it would. He can’t drag Isak into this anymore than he already has. Isak never signed up for this, never asked to take care of Even and all his emotional baggage.

Even if things seem okay now and Isak thinks he can handle it, Even will undoubtedly do something to ruin that and Isak will end up hating him. He can’t stand the thought of Isak hating him.

Even needs to leave and he knows it.

But he thinks he’s allowed to pretend for just a few more hours.

*

Isak says “Minute by minute,” and Even thinks if he spends the next minute just remembering how to breathe that might be okay.

He breathes in Isak’s warmth and the air that escapes Isak’s mouth when he leans in to kiss him and he just  _breathes_.

And for the first time in a while, a minute doesn’t seem all that long.

*

Even stays and Isak stays with him.

Most of the day passes by in a haze – it always tends to when he’s depressed. But he can feel Isak’s hands in his hair and Isak’s nose nudging against his every so often and Isak’s heartbeat under his head when he rests on his chest.

He knows they still have to talk properly but he’s so tired. He’s slept all night and for most of the day and still feels a bone deep exhaustion within himself. He just wants to close his eyes and keep them closed until the world doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.

But Isak deserves an explanation.

He lifts his head so he’s eye to eye with Isak on the pillow and Isak obligingly shifts onto his side so they can look at each other more easily. His hand slides into Even’s hair in an instant and Even feels himself relax at the touch, closing his eyes while he steels himself for what he’s about to say next.

“I’m sorry I kissed Sonja,” he mumbles hoarsely, feeling Isak’s hand momentarily still in his hair before he keeps going.

Even stares down at the blanket while he waits for Isak’s reply – he’s not sure he can look at his face right now. But then Isak’s thumb is pressing into his jaw and he’s gently urging Even to tilt his head upward. He does, even though it hurts to meet Isak’s eyes.

“I got scared,” he whispers and he hates how fragile his voice sounds. “After what you said in the locker room I told myself I had to let you go and Sonja was safe, y’know? But it was just that one time. I wasn’t lying to you when I said I broke up with her.”

Isak is frowning, a soft crinkle appearing between his eyebrows. “When I said what in the locker room?”

Oh.

He doesn’t remember.

Even wets his lips and looks away. He’d had a feeling Isak hadn’t really meant it even if it had felt soul-destroying at the time. He doesn’t really want to repeat it, not when Isak is here with him now.

“When you said you didn’t want-“ he cuts himself off when he sees the recognition on Isak’s face.

It’s a split second of realisation and then Isak’s eyes are filling with tears. “ _Even_.” His voice breaks horribly in the middle and Even hates himself for bringing it up. He tries to look away but Isak presses his forehead against his and clutches his neck tightly with trembling fingers. “ _I’m so sorry_.” He says it with so much conviction, any fleeting doubt about Isak’s intent behind the words evaporates.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, clearing his throat and brushing his nose against Even’s so, so gently. “I didn’t mean it. I- my mom-“ he stops himself and takes a deep breath before he continues. “Things got really bad when my dad left. My mom got worse and she wouldn’t get help. She didn’t  _want_  help. And I- I was still so young. I mean parents are supposed to take care of their kids, right? Not the other way around. I was scared and hurt and I couldn’t be around her anymore.

“When I said that- I promise, I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I was wrong. So, so wrong. Because I do want my mom in my life. I want  _you_  in my life.”

Even feels tears burn behind his eyes and it takes everything he has not to let them fall. Instead he reaches up and brushes away the tear tracks on Isak’s cheeks.

“Besides,” Isak continues quietly. “I’ve talked to her since then. I was actually with her and my dad when you text me.”

Even feels his chest tighten. How could he have been so selfish? Isak finally reconnects with his family and Even had to go and pull him away again. “I’m sorry, I-“

“Hey,” Isak shushes him, connecting their foreheads once again and sweeping his thumb over Even’s lip. “It’s okay. I called when you were asleep and explained. I can see them again some other time.” Isak smiles then, a small little curve to his mouth, as he softly adds, “I told her about you.”

And that-

That’s a surprise. The last he heard, Isak was nowhere near ready to have any kind of conversation with his mom, least of all that one.

“What did she say?” he asks quietly.

Isak smiles, tears slipping out again for what Even hopes is an entirely different reason. “She said she loved me and she always would.”

Something like hope swells in Even’s chest and he feels himself almost start to smile. “That’s really great, Isak. I’m happy for you.”

“The point is,” Isak says and there’s a bit of light back in his voice – Even likes that, “what I said was really stupid and I know better now. I researched a lot and Magnus helped too. His mom is bipolar, you know, so he helped me make sense of stuff after Sonja confused me.”

Even doesn’t ask what Sonja said because he knows. She’d told him with tears in her eyes after she’d seen Even’s self-hatred set in when Isak told him to stop texting him. He’d been too tired to be angry at her and too far gone to really believe she was the reason that Isak was staying away.

As if reading his mind, Isak speaks again. “And while we’re apologising…I’m really sorry I told you to stop texting me. I was confused and upset and I just- couldn’t think properly. But I should’ve reassured you.”

“You had a right to be mad,” Even mutters lowly, focusing on his own hand still resting against Isak’s cheek rather than meeting his gaze.

“I was never mad, Even,” Isak disagrees softly. “Ever. Okay? I was worried about you and I was afraid none of this had been real because Sonja’s words got in my head but I was never angry with you. I promise.”

Even nods and closes his eyes. He doesn’t understand how Isak can be so- can just accept all of this? How he can still stand to want to be with Even after everything that’s happened. How he can lie here and comfort Even with soft touches and reassuring words that are so sincere they’re impossible to doubt.

Even doesn’t deserve him.

“There’s other stuff I need to explain to you,” he says even though he feels completely drained from the emotional weight of the conversation they’ve just had.

But then Isak shakes his head. “The rest can wait ‘til later. We’ve apologised, that’s enough for now, alright?”

He pulls Even in again and Even can already feel his eyelids starting to drift shut as he burrows into Isak’s chest.

“That wasn’t an easy conversation,” Isak murmurs. “We needed to have it but it wasn’t easy so now let’s just- rest. You can tell me everything else when you’re ready. Just go back to sleep, baby. We’ve talked enough for today.”

Even’s heart clenches at the pet name and completely shatters at the words that follow it. He doesn’t understand when Isak learned to read him so well. Especially because he’s never seen Even like this. How he’s able to tell that just talking is sapping up all of Even’s energy right now.

He doesn’t know how Isak knows but he feels endlessly grateful nonetheless as he closes his eyes and allows himself to sink into Isak’s warmth.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Isak kisses his head in response and Even sleeps.

*

Even sleeps for the majority of the rest of the day and, other than waking him up to get him to eat something, Isak lets him.

He sits next to him on the bed and does his homework, one hand idly drifting down every so often to card through Even’s hair. Eskild peeks his head in every so often to check on them but always leaves them alone when Isak can only offer him a weak smile and a shrug.

He’s not really sure what he’s doing but he’d texted Sonja again earlier and she’d assured him that Even tends to sleep a lot when he’s depressed and it’s nothing to worry about, just to make sure he doesn’t stop eating altogether.

Even’s eyes flicker open here and there and those are the moments where he’ll reach for Isak, too sleepy to be hesitant. Isak just drops whatever he’s doing and moves to lie down with him, letting Even pull warmth or comfort or strength or whatever it is he needs, from Isak’s bones.

Feeling pretty exhausted himself, Isak allows himself to succumb to sleep around eleven. But not before ensuring there’s a full glass of water on the nightstand for Even and that he’s warm enough under the covers.

Isak tentatively presses up against Even’s back and slides an arm around his middle, fitting his legs snugly in behind Even’s. Sensing his presence, Even lifts an arm and settles it over Isak’s once he stops moving.

Isak falls asleep in minutes.

*

When he wakes up on Sunday morning he finds Even already awake beside him.

“Morning,” Isak mumbles sleepily as he rubs at his eye with the heel of his hand. Their eyes meet and Isak notes that they somehow changed positions during the night. He’s no longer spooning Even, instead they’re both lying on their sides facing each other.

It takes a moment for Even to finally remember to murmur a “Good morning,” back but he does.

Isak doesn’t like the distant look in his eyes, doesn’t like the way it looks as though a light has gone out inside of him. He lifts a hand and brings it up to Even’s cheek, gently brushing away the hair falling in his face. “What are you thinking about?”

Even shrugs and Isak can’t tell if he really doesn’t know or he just doesn’t want to say.

“You know, my mom told me something strange the other day,” he begins softly because he needs to do something to keep Even from floating away.

Even looks at him in a silent gesture to continue.

Isak wets his lip and frames Even’s jaw with his hand, thumb brushing over Even’s lip. “She told me I was born at 21:21.”

For the first time in what feels like forever, Even’s mouth lifts a little at the corners. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Isak nods, allowing a soft smile to spread over his lips. God, he’s missed Even’s smile.

“Looks like only good things happen at 21:21 then.”

Isak’s chest tightens and then his heart soars because he feels so full of love for this boy. This boy, whose smile is brighter than the sun and who has a laugh that can make butterflies erupt in Isak’s tummy but is currently staring at him with a look that’s so unsure and quiet and maybe just a little bit hopeful.

Isak shifts forward and nudges his nose against Even’s. “The  _best_  things happen at 21:21,” he whispers and then he slots their mouths together. It’s brief and chaste but it still sets him tingling and still manages to reassure him more than anything else could.

Even curls into him when they break apart and Isak brushes his hand through his hair. “You hungry?”

Even shakes his head against his chest and Isak holds back a sigh. He doesn’t want to push but he also knows Even has barely eaten anything in the past thirty-six hours. “How about a shower?” he suggests then.

Even deliberates on it for so long, Isak is convinced it’ll be another no but then he feels him nod slowly.

“Okay,” Isak replies.

He holds Even’s hand as he leads him to the bathroom. No one else seems to be up yet when they move through the apartment – or if they are they’re secluding themselves to the kitchen to give the boys privacy. Sometimes Isak really loves his flatmates.

When they reach the bathroom Isak lets go of Even’s hand to grab some towels for them and set the water running to give it a chance to heat up. Even watches him for a moment before his fingers catch on the hem of his t-shirt and he starts to shrug it off.

It’s only when Isak begins to take off his own clothes that Even speaks.

“Isak.”

Isak freezes with his hoodie in his hands.

Even looks away when their eyes meet, opting to stare at the floor instead. “I’m not ready for- I don’t really feel like-“

He doesn’t finish his sentence but he doesn’t need to because Isak catches on immediately and his heart breaks a little when he does.

“Hey,” he murmurs, dropping his hoodie on the floor and stepping forward to cup Even’s face between his hands. Even meets his gaze reluctantly and Isak gives him a reassuring smile.

“I’m not looking for that,” he promises quietly. “I was just gonna wash your hair.”

 _I’m afraid that if I let you go, you’ll collapse_ , is what he doesn’t say.

“But if you want me to go back and wait in my room, I will.”

Even looks at him like he’s never seen him before, eyes slipping closed as he nods. “Okay.”

Isak furrows his brow. “Are you sure?”

Even nods again, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Isak’s. “Stay.”

Isak kisses his cheek and steps away.

They finish getting undressed and Isak waits for Even to climb into the shower before following behind him. He’s idly surprised at how non-sexual this moment feels. They’ve been in this situation before under highly different circumstances but all Isak is concerned with right now is trying to making Even feel better and comforting him in whatever way he knows how.

They stand facing each other under the hot spray and Isak reaches for Noora’s shampoo. It’s the one that smells the nicest and Even deserves the nicest right now – Isak doesn’t think she’ll mind. He pours some onto his hand and sets the bottle down, reaching his hands up and starting to massage them through Even’s hair.

His eyes close when Isak touches him and his head bows just a little to allow Isak easier access. Isak washes his hair methodically, massaging his scalp and careful not to get any suds in Even’s eyes.

“Tip your head back,” he murmurs after a couple of minutes when it’s time to rinse out the shampoo. Even does and Isak has to stretch a bit more to comfortably reach his head but he manages, carding his fingers through Even’s hair until there’s no suds left and the water runs clear.

“Done,” he says quietly, letting his hands slip to Even’s shoulders.

Even straightens and meets his gaze, expression open in a way it hasn’t been since Isak found him in the school yard.

He visibly swallows and then his arms are lifting, fingers slowly trailing up Isak’s sides until his arms are wrapping around Isak’s waist and pulling him in.

Isak lets his own arms slide over Even’s shoulders and around his neck and he lets out a quiet breath as Even buries his face in Isak’s neck. He holds him and allows himself to be held and it sets his heart thumping heavily in his chest.

“Thank you.” The words are pressed into the skin of his shoulder and make Isak shiver.

He kisses the side of Even’s neck in response and feels Even’s arms tighten around him.

They stand like that for an indeterminable length of time. Long enough that Isak can feel the water start to cool down. It’s only at that point that he pulls away because it’s still December and neither of them need a cold on top of everything else.

They finish washing and then Isak shuts off the water. The room feels instantly colder when they step out of the shower and Isak is quick to shove a towel into Even’s hands. Even ties it around his waist while Isak wraps a second towel around his shoulders for good measure.

Even quirks his lips in what could almost be considered a smile but doesn’t protest.

They get changed back in Isak’s room and Isak darts back out again to steal Noora’s hairdryer. He sets his bright blue cushion on the floor next to his bed and asks Even to sit down. Isak sits on the bed behind him, Even between his legs, leaning back against the mattress. Using his own hairbrush, he combs through Even’s hair to get rid of all the tangles and knots before he begins to dry it.

Even goes pliant under his hands, leaning back against him while Isak works. It’s a quiet kind of intimacy that Isak never really expected or thought about before but it feels nice. Feels right.

He’s taking care of Even but he’s not babysitting him.

He’s not doing this because Even can’t. He’s doing it because he wants to and he wants to feel close to Even and show him he cares. He’s eternally grateful that Even seems to be able to tell the difference.

*

Isak cajoles him into the living room later that night.

Eskild, Noora and Linn are squashed onto one couch, leaving the other conspicuously free. Isak must’ve text them when they were still in his room.

Eskild and Noora look up and smile as soon as they enter the room. “We’re just about to start Moulin Rouge. Wanna join?”

Even finds himself lifting an eyebrow and glancing back at Isak, who avoids his gaze and leads him to the empty couch. If Even were feeling better he’d probably be amused at Isak’s not-at-all subtle way of trying to cheer him up. Right now, he feels a little bit too tired to find the humour in this moment. Instead he’s just silently floored at the effort Isak has been putting in all weekend, at all the little things he’s done to make Even more comfortable, to ease his mind a little bit.

Isak sits down and tugs on Even’s hand to get him to follow. Even lies down on his side, pillowing his head in Isak’s lap. As soon as he’s settled, Isak drapes the blanket that had been sitting over the back of the couch over him and Even seeks out his hand with his own to thank him.

He can’t lose himself in the movie like he normally would but it serves as a good distraction. Isak’s hand still holds his, fingers tangled loosely together while his other hand cards through Even’s hair. He falls asleep halfway through the movie but he doesn’t mind so much. They can watch it again another day when he’s better.

Isak is soft and warm next to him and for the first time in over a week, his head doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.

*

He wakes up in the morning to a still pitch black room and Isak’s hand in his hair.

Isak smiles when he realises Even’s eyes are open and strokes his thumb over Even’s eyebrow.

“I have to go to school,” he whispers from where he’s crouched down next to Even’s side of the bed. “Eskild’s here if you need anything and I’ll be home around four. I’ll call you during lunch, okay?”

Even nods and slips one hand out from the warmth of the blanket to touch Isak’s face. Isak smiles again and leans into the touch. “Text me if you need me.”

Even knows he means it, knows that Isak would come running at the first sign of trouble. Which is why Even resolves not to worry him today, no matter how bad the day ends up being. Even still, he nods a silent promise.

Isak shifts forward and presses their foreheads together, darting closer to peck the corner of Even’s mouth. “Go back to sleep, baby. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” Even mumbles, pulling Isak in for one last kiss because he’s not really sure what today will feel like without him next to him for most of it.

Isak kisses him willingly, then a second time, then a third, before murmuring, “I love you,” against Even’s lips and pulling away.

He leaves the room slowly enough that Even has time to reply if he wants to but he’s too stunned to say anything. He’d told Isak he loved him in that text but  _never_  did he think Isak might actually return those feelings. Especially not  _now_  when everything was so precarious between them.

But Isak had said it so softly, with so much quiet sincerity Even couldn’t even doubt that he was lying.

His heart thumps a little bit heavier in his chest but he can’t help the incredulous smile that spreads across his face. Even if it’s only for a moment.

 _Isak loves him back_.

*

Even finds that he actually doesn’t mind spending the day without Isak.

He misses him but he doesn’t feel hollowed out the way he’d expected to. Eskild offers a good distraction and never-ending commentary on everything and anything. Noora is quieter but a solid presence all the same when she takes over.

And yes, they’re taking turns taking care of Even. That much, he’d figured out.

He finds it more amusing than overbearing, honestly. He knows Isak means well and he’s touched that he’s gone so far to make sure Even doesn’t feel alone while he’s gone.

Still, Even can’t deny the fluttering happiness in his chest when Isak finally gets home from school. He looks extra soft today. Soft and warm and- _settled_ in a way Even hasn’t seen him in a while. It makes something settle in Even in response.

Isak flops onto the bed after he drops his bag on the floor, pushing up on his elbows and leaning over to mutter a “Halla,” into Even’s mouth.

“Good day?” Even asks when they break apart, giving into temptation and carding his fingers through Isak’s hair.

“Mm,” Isak hums. “Missed you though.”

It’s a quiet confession but a confession nonetheless and Even’s not sure when Isak became so free with discussing his feelings but he likes it. “I missed you too,” he admits quietly after a moment.

Isak smiles and rolls onto his side, curling into Even and letting his head land on the pillow beside him. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Even replies and he’s surprised that he means it. He’s not sure but today feels like a good day. He’s still tired and his mind still feels a bit fuzzy around the edges but he thinks he might be over the worst of it now. This is the most normal he’s felt in over a week.

Isak doesn’t question him or accuse him of lying; he just smiles and says, “I’m glad.”

They lie together for a while; Isak regales him with stories from school and tells him that he talked to someone in Even’s class about getting notes for him. (It’s said as an offhand afterthought but it makes Even’s heart thump heavily in his chest. The simple yet profound way Isak shows he cares about him will never cease to amaze him.) Even naps for an hour or so while Isak sits beside him and does his homework – and texts Jonas at the same time.

It isn’t until Even has been awake for half an hour and Isak’s stomach starts rumbling that Isak sets aside his biology book and looks down at him. “What do you think about going out to get some food?”

Even’s immediate reaction is to say no. The thought of leaving the sanctuary of Isak’s apartment – of Isak’s bed – momentarily leaves him paralysed with fear but he pushes past it. He hasn’t been outside in days. And fresh air is good for him. Putting on clothes that aren’t sweatpants is good for him. He doesn’t want to lie here anymore, as much as the thought of doing anything else sounds scary.

He reminds himself that they can go home whenever he wants, that Isak won’t make him stay out or make them go far if Even doesn’t feel comfortable.

Steeling himself, he meets Isak’s waiting gaze and nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

Isak’s smile is blinding as he leans in to kiss him again.

Within ten minutes, Even is bundled up in a mixture of Isak’s clothes and his own with Isak’s hand held securely in his as they walk down the mostly quiet street. As soon as they round the corner from the apartment Isak suggests, “Kebab?” and Even is too busy dealing with the sensory overload of being outside again to disagree.

Isak directs them to the shop and doesn’t push Even to talk during the short walk. They sit on a bench in the park while they eat and Even finally feels himself start to relax.

Isak is looking around the lamp lit park, mouth curving up in a smile when he takes in the bench they’re sitting on. “You know, this is where I first told Jonas about you.”

Even quirks an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah, we were eating kebabs then too,” Isak laughs.

“What did he say when you told him?”

Isak smirks as he picks at his food. “He called you good looking.”

Even huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “I knew I liked him.”

Isak rolls his eyes but the fond smile on his face betrays him. “This is where I found your drawing too.”

The tug Even feels at the mention of the drawing is bittersweet. He’d missed Isak so much during those two weeks he thought he might be sick with it and the soaring feeling he’d experienced when Isak had text him to thank him for the drawing had been indescribable.

“This is better,” Even says eventually. “Being here with you now. This is better than any parallel universe.”

Isak’s expression is so soft and open, Even feels his heart speed up being on the receiving end of it. Isak shuffles closer, closing the non-existent distance between them and resting his head on Even’s shoulder. “I agree.”

Even sets his empty carton aside and locks his fingers together with Isak’s. “I think I’m ready to tell you about Elvebakken now,” he says, blowing out a nervous breath when he feels Isak sit up to stare at him.

“You don’t have to,” Isak says, surprise evident on his face.

Even’s throat bobs and he looks down at their hands. “I know. But I want to. You deserve to know and I’d rather you hear it from me than anyone else.”

Isak bites his lip but he nods, returning to his earlier position with his head on Even’s shoulder. “You can stop whenever you want,” he assures, squeezing Even’s hand. “I won’t ask you anything.”

Even nods and closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath as he considers where to start. He figures his diagnosis is as good a place as any so he begins there. He describes everything in detail – how he found out, every episode he’s had so far, who Mikael is, how his relationship with Sonja changed, how people at school treated him after they found out about him, why he decided to change schools.

He speaks until his voice is hoarse and doesn’t realise there’re tears running down his cheeks until Isak is kissing them away. Even stops to take a breath and it feels like he’s been sucker-punched, the gravity of everything’s he just told Isak hitting him all over again.

Isak presses his forehead to Even’s temple and noses along his cheekbone, free hand lifting up to frame Even’s face and hold him still. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispers with conviction. “So, so proud.”

Even doesn’t know what to say to that but it makes more tears spring up and he’s too upset to stop them. Isak kisses his cheek again and places his hands on Even’s shoulders, turning him so he can pull him into a bone-crushing hug. Even releases a shaky breath and hugs him back.

“Let’s go home,” Isak murmurs.

*

At 14:51 on Tuesday afternoon Isak feels his world come to a screeching halt.

Noora texts him to tell him Even hasn’t gotten out of bed all day and that he won’t talk to her. Isak still has forty minutes of school left but he can’t stay now. Not when it sounds like Even is getting bad again after yesterday had been so good.

He quickly shoots Noora a text back to let her know he’s on his way before raising his hand and asking the teacher if he can go to the nurse, feigning a migraine. She lets him after a bit of needling and as soon as he’s out the classroom door he starts running.

He texts Sonja when he’s on the tram, asking her if there’s anything he can do or anything he’s done wrong. She mostly just repeats her earlier advice but it still calms him down a little. His heart is hammering in his chest as he climbs the stairs to the apartment and is met with Noora’s nervous smile when he comes through the front door.

“I didn’t know what to do,” she says anxiously.

Isak shakes his head and drops his backpack. “It’s fine. Thanks for texting me.”

She nods. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Isak thanks her again before slipping into his bedroom. It’s dim with the curtains still pulled and Even is barely visible with the blanket wrapped around him, covering everything but his head. His eyes meet Isak’s unseeingly and Isak swallows down the panic that rises in his throat.

He pads over to the bed, unsure of what his next move should be. He hesitates for too long before eventually asking, “Can I lie down with you?”

It’s a long time before Even nods but he does, barely.

Isak eases the covers back enough to crawl underneath them and lies facing Even. He doesn’t touch him even though he’s aching to. He doesn’t know what Even wants; he doesn’t know what to do.

After a moment’s deliberation he settles his hand, palm up, in the space between their bodies and leaves it there. Even looks at him and his eyes aren’t clear but there’s a flicker of something there. Slowly, Isak feels cold fingers twine their way around his and then hold on for dear life.

He squeezes back and Even’s eyes drift closed.

He realises something in that moment, lying on the bed and holding Even’s hand. He doesn’t need to move mountains to help Even. He doesn’t need all the answers. He doesn’t need to know exactly what to say to bring the light back to Even’s eyes.

He thinks all Even really needs is this.

Someone to weather the storm with.

A silent gesture that tells him, _I’m here_.

Isak doesn’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month. But he thinks for this minute and the next minute and for the handful of minutes after that, they’ll be okay.

*

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it :')) thank you v much for reading <3
> 
> if you want to find me on tumblr i'm at [ littlespooneven](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/) and the rebloggable post for this fic is [here](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/post/155089250982/the-moments-in-between-allyasavedtheday) :)


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